Revenge

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I sit in my plastic lawn chair reading my latest Halo Book:"First Strike". I am into it as the Master Chief blasts the hell out of various aliens that belong to the religious zealots known as The Covenant. There are all kinds of nasty aliens, and reading about them being blown away is satisfying.

Wait... Whats that?

I see an alien form slithering rapidly from near my feet.

A mouse? It's going the right speed.

Nope - Too serpentine.

I stand and greet my nemesis, the evil molokau. It is seeking relics, or more likely seeking a mouse or giant cockroach for dinner.

I want to take a picture, but if I get my camera it'll be gone. It only takes a few seconds to cross the room and it'll be through a crack in the wall.

I grab my dust broom and pan. I brush him in. He rears to strike. I toss him into my Tongan washing machine, an eight quart plastic pail.

I shoot the shot for this post. Now I'm stuck. What to do with the alien beast?

I use the method proven by many a parent for the disposal of a dead goldfish. I toss it into the toilet.

This guy was big. maybe 8 or 10 inches, and he is as angry as a Covenant Elite facing a Spartan.

The giant centipede starts to climb out of the toilet. I watch it squirming up the side of the bowl and rush to gram my 24" bush knife. By the time I return to the toilet he is reaching over the rim and he is pissed!

I draw back to strike and he curls down and disappears into the rim that supplies the flushing water. He is gone, his cloaking device activated.

Well... lets face it... I won't be able to sit on this throne with a giant venomous centipede right under the lip.

I flush the toilet. We have two flush buttons, #1 and #2. I push #2.

He is pushed half way out and I strike. Clang - I missed and he is gone.

I wait none to patiently for the tank to refill. Finally it does.

I flush. He slips. I strike.

I have split him in two. Both halves continue to squirm and fight, but he can no longer swim worth a darn, and he sure as shootin' can't climb out.

Victory is ours. It feels good to blast the Covenant into slipspace. I hope he was the bastard that bit me in my sleep a couple of weeks ago. Revenge is sweet.